You’ve probably heard of the five love languages, which describe different ways to express care and support in a relationship (physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service) But have you heard of lust languages?

Just as love languages are intended to help us understand how we give and receive love, lust languages offer insight into the myriad ways we experience arousal. Your lust language is comprised of all the things — big or small — that turn you on and off. Knowing yours can help boost your self-awareness in the bedroom, improve communication between you and your partner, and give you a better understanding of what excites you — and why.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, the experts at told Bayou Beat News the ins and outs of “lust languages” and how knowing yours can dramatically enhance your level of intimacy with your partner.


The romantic lust language is all about being wined and dined, literally and figuratively. For the romantic, setting the mood is crucial, as it demonstrates a level of effort that makes them feel wooed, wanted, and appreciated. A homemade meal followed by a sensual bubble bath, for example, can be a great way to supercharge arousal and prime the romantic type for a full night of fun.

The road to a romantic’s heart is paved with notes, pet names, and private, personal gifts. They love surprises, particularly acts of passion that show they’re always on their lover’s mind.  Romantic types also love verbal play, so feel free to lay on the sexy words of affirmation.

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The harmonious lust language is like the sexy sibling of the “acts of service” love language. This one centers around support and shared responsibility. If your lust language is harmonious, you feel like you need to be “on the same team” with your partner to feel truly safe and experience uninhibited arousal.

The harmonious type might find it difficult to become aroused if their partner neglects a household chore or forgets to fulfill a promise. They’re more likely to feel ready for action if they come home to clean dishes, bathed kids, and folded laundry.  This doesn’t mean that they’re literally turned on when they hear the vacuum, but for them, desire is sparked by a partner who lightens their load and shares their goals.


People with a connected lust language need a strong emotional link to feel aroused. Desire is intimately linked to feeling known, understood and safe with a partner. One-night stands and love at first sight are less appealing to you than bonding over shared experiences, interests, and emotional needs. 

Honest communication is key for the connected type, as is a craving for deep friendship. The ability to openly express wants, needs, and intimate desires is the ultimate turn on for those with this lust language. Sexting may be a favorite pastime of the connected type, who like to stay in touch often throughout the day.


Passion and living for the moment are the preferred methods of intimacy for this lust language. Excitement and novelty are key to the primal type’s arousal, and a strong physical connection is a must.

Those with a primal lust language might also be into kinks, fetishes, or other taboo forms of play, but not necessarily. One thing that is mandatory, though, is skin-to-skin contact. Primal types feel most aroused by the warmth of their partner’s body and the stimulation of their touch. An emotional connection may be present but is not needed for a good time.

Final Thoughts

Knowing your own lust language arms you with the self-awareness to communicate your wants and needs to a partner. It can also remind you that there’s nothing “wrong” with you if you don’t become aroused in a certain sexual situation.

Keep in mind that, like your love language, your lust languages can shift over time as you move through different stages of life. Check in with yourself and your partners periodically, and don’t forget that communication is always the number one key to great intimacy!