“Girl, you need to leave him.”
“He’s not good enough for you.”
“Come be single with us, you’ll be happier.”
Have you ever been told the above three statements while in a relationship? Maybe you witnessed others giving out this advice.
Either way, it can be the worst advice given to young women, especially women of color.
Now, if you’re a sensitive person and find fault in everything in your life or take offense to everyone’s opinion, you may want to stop reading right now because we are about to get real, and you may not like what is said and I’ll accept that.
This past week, YouTuber, Influencer and Author Derrick Jaxn was trending for his alleged past indiscretions.
Three women came out sharing their story and giving all the receipts to Tasha K, who is known as the “Wendy Williams of YouTube,” about their sexual experiences with Jaxn, who happens to be married.
Jaxn, 31, was accused of cheating on his wife multiple times.
After releasing several apology videos, fans wanted to hear from his wife, Da’Naia Jackson.
The couple was college sweethearts, eventually getting married and having a child.
In a 3-minute video, the couple can be seen holding hands and clinging to one another while addressing the accusations.
Da’Naia appears to be not excited to be on camera, wearing a bonnet on her head while sitting next to her clean-cut , well-dressed and handsome husband.
Da’Naia is adamant about staying with her husband and sticking to the vows she’s made before God. She also reveals in the video she was aware of his past mistakes and that he has paid the price for his actions.
So why are women, especially Black women, so quick to judge her decision to stand by her man.
Clearly there are things that we don’t see going on behind the scenes that may be okay for her and a deal breaker for others.
Even so-called ‘Christian’ women are telling her to ‘divorce’ him when, according to Christian practice, divorce is not an option or is a ‘sin.’
Wouldn’t that make her a hypocrite?
Did anyone tell Beyonce’ to leave Jay-Z when it was revealed that he cheated on her in the past?
Did anyone tell Vanessa Bryant to leave her late husband, Kobe, when he was caught up in a scandal?
For the most part, no.
It seems we are selective about who we feel should ‘stay’ and who should ‘leave.’
And why are mostly single women telling other women to leave when the alternative is not so great.
I’m not saying we should glorify toxic situations, nor am I implying that women should stay in abusive relationships, but we also shouldn’t glorify this constant narrative of “I can do bad all by myself.”
You’re right – you can – and let’s explore that.
In this modern age, it’s already hard enough for singles to date and find a quality mate.
According to stats, only 1 in 4 American Black women will ever marry in this lifetime.
That’s pretty disturbing and unsettling information to hear, especially for the women who actually desire to marry and have children one day.
So what alternative does a woman who is divorced with children have going back into the dating world?
Now, before you ‘roll your eyes’ and cut your teeth, hear me out.
So when a woman is finally ‘chosen’ and walks down the aisle with a decent man who is a good provider and protector, built everything with including a house, a family, etc., she should leave as soon as there is a problem?
In the case of Da’Naia Jackson, she is married to a man who, many women say is desirable.
Her husband is 6’5, attractive, earns six figures, athletic, and provides for her in a way that some women would envy.
So is she supposed to leave all that after all these years at the first onset of a problem?
Ladies, I get it. Being on the receiving end of cheating is hurtful, upsetting and inexplicable.
But are you going to throw years of marriage and partnership away due to the love of your life having a flawed human moment?
What happened to actually taking marriage vows seriously?
‘Through sickness and in health’, ‘For better or worse’, ‘Till death due you part.’
These are words that clearly Mrs. Jackson is taking seriously.
We don’t know what agreement they had behind the scenes, nor what “last straw” or second chance she is giving her husband to correct his mistakes.
She might indeed decide to leave him later, but that has to be HER choice.
It’s not to say that she couldn’t get married again in life after leaving, but what’s the alternative? Should she be a struggling single mom having to do it all on her own, live alone with pets after her child leaves the nest and settle for a ‘Pookie’ or ‘Ray Ray’ just to prove she could get married again?
I’m sorry, but most women will not have a ‘Ciara & Russell’ happy ending.
We know that there are happy ‘intentionally’ single people out there, but that’s not what this article is about so let’s not deflect here.
At the end of the day, it’s not our place to tell another woman what she should do in a situation she chooses to remain in. It’s selfish and can be, at times, irresponsible.
The best thing we can do is pray and wish the best for people in situations we may not agree with or don’t understand.
Check out the video from the Jacksons.