‘Matchmakers’ and ‘dating coaches’: Can you always buy what they’re selling?

In the game of love, how much are you relying on your own common sense and intuition, or are you throwing all of your eggs into the baskets of matchmakers and dating coaches you hire to lead you to Cupid? Have you asked yourself, do they hold the same standards for themselves as they do for their clients?  That is a question many people have been asking.

In today’s ever evolving-world, many of us have options we may not have thought possible years ago.

Prior to cellphones and the internet, we relied on family and friends to “hook us up” or attend single ministries at our churches, or crossed our fingers that our attraction to our childhood bestie “crush” of the opposite sex would finally lead into something more.

Oh, but the tables have now turned. There is now online dating through services like Match.com, ‘sliding into’ social media ‘DMs’ (direct messages) and the controversial “reliance and faith” we put into a PAID expert (matchmaker) to find our soul mates.

So what is a matchmaker?

It’s a person who arranges relationships and marriages between others, either informally or, in certain cultural communities, as a formal occupation.

Matchmakers have been around for a long time, so the concept is nothing new. But for many of us in today’s society, we like to “check receipts” of those who claim to be the ones who can help us get our “ish” together.

But it appears that some forms of matchmaking is more successful than others. According to statistics, the divorce rate of “arranged” marriages is less than 4 percent, versus 40 percent of marriages in the U.S.

But the arranged marriages are not what we are questioning. Those are more rooted in culture and tradition; we are more so taking a look at the “new school” side of matchmaking and dating coaches.

When it comes to the internet, dating websites are cashing in big time by using the computer to find you “like-minded” individuals who you could be compatible with based off online questionnaires or “profiles” you fill out when joining the site.

As the famous saying goes, “therein lies the problem,” because with all of the apps, filters and photo enhancement software, people can make themselves look the way they want — which in many cases is far removed from what they look like in person, and the person behind the avatar can “portray” themselves in any way their mind desires when writing about their wants, needs and backgrounds.

So for the computer-generated matchmaking services, we leave you to type at your own risk, but let’s “mingle” on over to the certified “dating coaches” and matchmakers we are doling out cash to. Can we trust the messages of these messengers — even when some of them are “on the hunt” as well?

Many professionals serving as matchmakers are either single, have never been married, or have been divorced multiple times.

Let’s take a well known public figure – for example, Steve Harvey, who has made millions in his comedy career, and even more with his best- selling book telling women to “Act like a lady, think like a man.”

But Harvey’s principles and track record with failed marriages begs us to ask the question, “why should I take advice from a man who’s been divorced three times?”

Not meaning to poke the skeptical bear here, but let’s look at it even deeper. Many female dating coaches are proclaiming to help single women find love with a good mate, sometimes with the most qualified bachelors, yet they are not with partners who would be deemed “desirable,” at least from a traditional standpoint. Or – they could be sitting alone at home on many Saturday nights (pre-pandemic), collecting others’ coins while doling out advice they can’t even take themselves.   Some dating coaches have even told their clients that their standards are “too high.”

Rebecca Lynn Pope, a very well-known matchmaker made a video on why she gave up on matchmaking services specifically to women. She says women have unrealistic standards and are barking up the wrong trees.

Pope rips into women, saying they are not half the things they are asking men to be, and expresses deep frustration with women whose paths she’s crossed.

Is Pope being too harsh?

In American society, we can all agree, that mostly everything begins on a surface level. For example, men (regardless of socioeconomic background) tend to desire more fit and beautiful women. We know “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” but with all the superficial Hollywood and European standards used as a measuring stick, some folks out here are way off the grid.

And likewise, many women desire  “traditionally” handsome and financially stable men. And anyone who’s out there knows, it’s tough to find that total package.

NOW DON’T SHOOT US — we are just the messenger, BUT some are now putting the magnifying glass on the actual matchmakers, more than they are on their matches.

If we were to rate people on a scale from 1-10, how can a ‘dating coach’ or ‘matchmaker’ who would be rated a 6 at best give advice or matchmake a client that is above a 7?

It’s no wonder many are asking if these individuals are even qualified to take others’ money.

Bravo TV’s “Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger was one of the most recognizable faces in the matchmaking world, but while she touted success with hundreds of matches, she was criticized for not being able to remain in a long-term relationship and never being married.

By 2018, Stanger had been romantically linked to John Matthews and David Krause, plus she was engaged to Andy Friedman, but none of those ultimately worked out.

And anyone who watched the show saw she had a rough, sometimes rude approach, to “whipping someone into shape” for the dating world. But was she really qualified to give advice? You tell us….

One critic wrote, “Bravo’s ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ host Patti Stanger has built a career on giving people dating … Taking calls from viewers, Stanger repeatedly packaged gay and Jewish stereotypes as insight … She is mean, she is single, she is tacky and ugly.”

I feel that comment was completely rude, but you get where we are going with this.

Personally, if I were to hire a matchmaker, based on my past experiences on the type of men I’ve been able to attract, I’d want to know the following:

How long has my potential dating coach been matchmaking?

Are they in a long term relationship/married?

What is his/her success rate?

What does he/she look like?

What does his/her spouse look like?

In my opinion, these are important questions to ask before we just trust people with our time and money to matchmake us.

My logic is, if my matchmaker’s experience has been with mates that are a 5 or below, how would he/she be able to match me with a ‘7’ or above?

There is no doubt some people may be a little too ‘unrealistic’ but to request a mate at the minimum to be physically attractive is just bare minimum. And to require that your matchmaker has a mate — or at least a good personal track record for their own dating lifestyle — is not as unreasonable as one may think.

So Bayou Beat News readers, tell us, would you hire a dating coach or matchmaker? Why or why not?